What to do, what to do!!!

[Smooth]

I'm a good man. Not to be on some super ego trip, or to sound cocky, but honestly I am. I know so because I have other male friends, and I know how they do.

I've been dumped by so many girls in my day, mainly because of the nice-guy disease. I'm way too nice to be a boyfriend. I'm awesome husband material and father material. But I'm not good enough for a one night stand.

I'm a hopeless romantic, that has had a crush on Mya since before her first album.

quick story: Late 1999 I was the proud father of a baby girl that I gladly named Trinity. She was black and dominican and the love of my life. God sent her my way to show me the way I treated women, and I changed immedidatly. Me and her baby mama couldn't work it out so we split, but the baby was my life.

Mid 2000, A young girl that I've known for a year becomes a close friend. I was 19, she was 14, we were only friends. But by late 2000 I couldn't stop thinking of her. I didn't want to do anything with her because of her age, but I was really in love with her. So we hooked up.

early 2001, DNA testing says the baby isn't mine - destroyed my heart. My girl (the young one) was happy, because she no longer has to share me. Everybody and there mother starts noticing that I am too nice and honorable for shorty. I mean she was a bitch. A very, very, very gorgeous woman, but with strong character! Didn't take anything from anybody. I mean, she was part Italian, Puerto Rican and Black. Three of the worst attitudes in a woman. But damn was she fine. By far the most beautiful woman I have had the chance to date, and will ever get to.

As it happens I worked in the World Trade Center, and for a twist of fate I wasn't in the buildings that day it happened. It was her birthday. Because I was late to pick her up to take her to school, she was sort of upset with me. She thought I went to work that morning, and also thought (like all of my friends) that I had died in the attacks.

I quit my job the following month because I couldn't handle certain aspects of post 9/11 Corporate New York, so I took my poetry and magic on a tour from New York to Boston. On my way back I joined the Marine Corps. I didn't really want to do it, but she pushed me. She said she supported me, and that it was the right thing.

After three months of boot camp the first thing that she tells me when I got out was that she fucked six guys in that time period. And that she was still involved with one. I took her virginity, and I waited until little shorty doo wop was ready for that step. I never pushed her into it. So I was pissed. The way I looked at it, was that I joined the Marines for her. I spent a pretty buck on an engagement ring for her, and this is how she repays all of that.

But all is fair in love and war. She saw a side of me that she never thought existed. I left for Combat training, and received all sorts of letters from her. Then I went to Mississippi for school and then we got re-engaged. This is where the story likes to twist and turn.

[Auset]

So what happend next how you gonna drop me off like that! Na, for real what happened.

[Style4ya]

I know...How you gonna stop mid story? Get the the dirt man!!!!

[Tori]

Why did you take her back smooth?

[Smooth]

I had to go to lunch, and added another portion to this story. Damn, I don't know what to do. I feel weird spilling my guts like this, but this is bugging me.


where was I?

Oh yeah, we were re-engaged. Now this is three years since I have been able to spit game at any shorty. Not to boast, but even though I'm a respectful and honorable man .... ... .... I am from Washington Heights, NYC. I have at least half an ounce of that Pimp Juice within my veins. Sort of a ladies man. But keeping and maintaining a relationship is very different from being able to flirt and pick up women. Any idiot with confidence can pick up women. Not all females are the smartest creatures in the world.

But anyways, I was in Naval Air Station Meridian in Mississippi just chilling. Still upset at what had happened in New York. I mean that was honest to God betrayl by the one person that I didn't need to play with me.

Since I was 14 XXI has been my life. But the days after Septemeber 11^th it was miserable, we had lost three key players in XXI in those attacks. Some cats lost interest as I focused on myself and my relationship, others were just fake. She was really my only friend (sounds weak, but that is the truth).

But.... I met this shorty who reminded me of Alicia Keys. Plus her name was Alicia, and she was a 9. I didn't think I had enough balls to step up to her, but I did. And the way she says it, the magic tricks got her.

In order to save the drama concerning me and Alicia, I started to have heavy feelings for her. She is the right mixture of da hood and class. A little materilistic, but down to Earth enough to enjoy the finer things in life. We messed up because I'm kind of ugly. That's the truth, and she couldn't deal with all the gossip, and the playerhaters. Plus it didn't help that I had a fiance at home. But Alicia was in the Navy and I'm a Marine. She could have been stationed anywhere in the Globe, while I could have been sent to Japan. Who knows. So she deaded it.



As life has it, I'm in Cali for four months when the one year aniversary of 9/11 happens. Not only that it was also my fiance's birthday. I went all out to make her feel at home. My birthday was the next month, and before it could arrive she calls off our relationship once again. Talking that she needs freedom, and that honestly I'm not cute enough for her. That she isn't diggin the fact that I'm not up to par. Sounds bad right? It wasn't. I've always digged the truth. I took it, and just got drunk.

Then Alicia comes back in the picture, and she lives 10 minutes away from my base. Wow. Talk about great. Alicia is 21 with a seven year old daughter, who adores me. The baby daddy is out of the pic, and me (loving children) took her as my own. I mean, I already lost a daughter once. But Alicia was still hurt about what happened in Mississippi so she wanted a friend. Cool, no problem.

I start doing magic shows and making that good extra cash.

BANG, I get my first ride. A 1996 Hunter Green Jeep Cherokee with tan leather interior. A ride that fits me nicely. I start driving up and down California. That is where my problem kind of started.

You see I have a huge crush, huge obsession, and would love to marry if I had the chance, Mya! I'm just crazy oh girl. Whoa!!!

I meet this girl in the mall in San Diego that looks JUST LIKE HER!!! I going to post a pic of me and her, try not to look at me (I had just done a big show and was drunk off my mind in New York). She doesn't look like Mya in pictures, but trust me in real life you will catch a case of the ex, be like Whoa, and know why she got the best of me.

Well even though I'm slowly falling in love with Alicia, but have a huge painful spot that is only for Sessy (my ex from New York), I went ahead and listened to the penis and pursued this Mya look a like named Tiffany. But what do I find, but the woman of my dreams.

This was the perfect woman. I mean honest, sweet, compassionate, poetic, literate, intelligent, beautiful, elegant & classy. Plus a ton more metaphors. This is exactly what I wanted, and I fell hard. Real hard. Plus real quick.

Then the war started and I got sent off. I looked at the four year relationship that I had with Sessy and saw how she fucked that up in three months, what is there to say that a girl that I've known for 1 month is going to stay with me while I played war in Iraq for Nine months? Plus it wasn't a good time for me to be in a relationship. I told her.

My main concern in the Marines is to prepare myself to get out! I want my own business, I want to publish my novel and some of my poetry. I want to purchase a home for my family by 2005. I want to be the first minority to make it big with Magic and/or Mentalism. I want to be the first Dominican that gets nationally recognized for something other than sports. Shit I want to run for the 2018 elections for the President of the Dominican Republic (I'm eligible). I want to get my Masters. I want to get that LL Cool J physique off SWAT. I want to be the first magician on MTV and BET. I want to make poetry cd's mainstream. I want everybody to understand the philosophy behind XXI and the mental revolution. You know. This is no time for me to stop my goal search so I can walk in the park.


But it happened, we got together. And even though I tried not to get in those pants, it did happen. Then I left to war. Luckly I came back and she was waiting for me. Which was good. But as much as the dream was better than reality, my goals are more important.

She took up all my time. I mean all my time. We spent every free waking moment with each other. Every moment with each other. When I came back from war and went to visit my parent in New York, she came. Un invited, she bought a ticket and came. Which was fine with me, but it showed me that she really couldn't be without me.

As a magician I need to network, but she gets jealous and doesn't understand why I have to network in Bars. There are other things, nothing big. Just minor things that irritate me because it shows I'm immature. And that is the key.

I have this perfect girlfriend, that absolutly adores me. She wants to get married. Her family loves me. Her father has so much knowledge on the Real Estate game, that just by knowing him, I have an endless resource of knowledge. Her mother has to be the most attractive, intelligent, and talented woman that I have ever met face to face in her age bracket. Her mother's boyfriend is the special effects guru that did X-Men 2, Starship Troopers, Godzilla, and a ton of other movies. So he is connected and got the cash to invest into my company when the time comes. Her older sister is Jackie of J Records recording artist Lyric. Who was Silk da Shockers Ex, and was the connect that got Jada Kiss on my Magic video that comes out in a year. I mean her family is so connected in the Entertainment world that it is incredible. Almost anybody that I need to get in contact with, I can. Which is so helpful when I'm trying to create an Entertainment company. I mean, I have done tricks for Jackie's label mates Mario & Busta, Fab, Camron, Loon and a few others. Just cause. My promo video has been around. All because of my relationship with shorty.

But when it comes down to it. I'm not happy no more. Especcially when Alicia calls me up during my past birthday and tells me that she wants to marry me. I know it is for the money, I have a big feeling it is. In the military they pay us more if we get married, but even more if it is another service member. But then again I feel she does have feelings for me.

I don't want to be dishonorable to Tiff, but then again, my heart isn't there. She is perfect, what I've been looking for. But damn, I'm only 23 and having a life long partner from now, isn't in my plans. But dumping her will destroy my connects with the sister, whose album is dropping within the year. Plus the connects with Hollywood that her moms boyfriend has is unimaginable. Where else can a ghetto boy like me from the slums, be able to get hired to perform for rich ass people? But I do care for her. And it is either her heart, or my future.

And I hate to be a man, but little by little my urges to be the player I used to be at 18 is coming back to me as I'm enjoying more time at the bars and clubs.

Right now I went to lunch and she appeared to have time with me. Problem was, was that I drove my co-workers to get chicken. She got upset, because I dont' spend no more time with her anymore. Little by little, she is getting more on my nerves. And it started with me, but I don't know what to do. If I leave, not only do I fear that I will never find another woman like this again. But that I will also lose those connects.

[Auset]

First thing, you are not ugly don't let no one come out and tell you what your beauty is, and unless you posted someone elses pic in the other thread somebody is buggin.

Second, Sessy, leave her ass alone. Straight up you met her when she was crazy young and she couldn't handle it. she needs time to mature and home many times do you have to be plaid the fool before shit gets real. Leave her to find her self

You need to do some soul searching, check the post what would you do before you got married, i have some tips in there because it seems like you are staying with this girl for all the wrong reasons. I say that because you have said your heart is not in it. you are only 23 and it's not like you dont' know what you want out of life. now you have to focus that into what makes you happy.

If you want to be with her be with her not because of the connections that you have earned but because you want to build with this woman. Sit her down and tell her your true feelings. tell her you want to make things right with your relationship, Start doing great things together. ask her what she needs more of. that's if you want to make it work. But either way, leave alicia and sessy alone and focus on the two things that haven't broken you down, you love for tiff and your love for yourself.

[Style4ya]

I agree with Auset.. Leave Sessy alone. She couldnt handle it for a couple of months, so let her go. What I dont get is how you say that you need these connections. I see that you have a lot of plans for your future. You have the potential and the brains to do your thing without this girls connections. It may take you a little longer, but in the end, it will feel more gratifying to you for doing it on your own. Everything will fall into place after that.

[Smooth]

Tori said:

Why did you take her back smooth?

I was dumb. Naw. At the moment I tried to be a bigger man than most. And I took into consideration the fact that she actually told me the ugly truth from the get go. The second I came out, she told me. She didn't waste time, or let me find out some other way.

Plus I really truly love her. Still do in a way. But she is more of a nigga than I am.


Here is a pic of Tiffany. My current girl.

[Tori]

I understand that, I think there are some people you will always love even against your better judegement! Personally I think Tiff is adorable, and if she is half as sweet as she looks then you got to keep her!

[Smooth]

I talked to her last night over a very, very, very expensive Italian dinner. Wow, I don't think I've gone all out like that before. I went ahead and made sure I knew what to tell her and I got all dressed up, I mean the Ecco shoes, and Sean John two peice suit w/ tie.

I waited for the wine to hit me before I started speaking. And I told her everything I wrote above. That even though she is the one, the time isn't know. I'm too immature to get engaged at 23, and I don't think at 19 she is ready to act like a grown woman yet. We have alot of hangovers to experience, and I have all this flirting that I want to get out of my system. Plus I don't want to feel that the only reason I'm with her is because her family has so much to offer me.

I think that we have a big misconception on what love is. Movies, television, music, and stories all talk about love and how it is all consuming. We assume that a certain type of person is the 'right' type. But then we feel like assholes when we have that person, and then we don't feel the same. Fuck that, I'm not going to walk around all guilty.

Maybe I want a woman kind of like my mom. A woman that doens't take shit, and basicly could run an entire household by herself. Not because I'm lazy, but because I don't want to worry about my children in the event that I get murdered or something like that.

Yeah, she' adorable. And it breaks my heart to see her cry....

[Simply_Uneque]

Smooth... I think you did the right thing by being honest with Tiffany. She can't do anything but respect you for that.

I am going to say something that my Grandmother use to say... "Sometimes your heart may make a fool of you."

Just because you are not "In love" with Tiff, doesn't mean you don't love her.

Personally I think you are a little young for that big of a committment. And I applaud you for recognizing that.

[Auset]

I agree with Uneque, I think that it takes a big man to step to his woman and let her know that I love you but right now is not the time. It's like the Donnell Jones song, you've got to get things out of your system and you don't want to cheat. She has to respect you for that. She may not like the situation but she will understand. She still has growing to do. And like the old saying, "If something is meant to be leave it alone and it will come back to you." Especially since you need to take care of home and that is you. I respect that to the fullest!

[Smooth]

thanks. You guys saved me the therapist bill. I really was going to just ride it out untill I either changed how I feel, or I played her. Which would have been bad because I'm too lazy to cheat.

But now that we have this understanding, is it smart for me to continue with the booty calls? Auset said it perfectly in another post, "There are too many things floating around." Word up. Sexually I just want to stay with her, but I don't know if that is the smart thing to do.

[Style4ya]

How does she feel about your talk with her? Does she understand where you were coming from?

[Simply_Uneque]

Let me put it to you like this Smooth...

If you want to be with her for the sex... let her know. Be up front and tell her that I want to be bed buddies, with no strings. If she can handle that... than it is all butta... but if she can't... can you?

Protect your heart... but make sure that she doesn't get used in the process... you know?