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Post by Simply_Uneque on Feb 3, 2004 11:50:57 GMT -5
Falling in love with a married man is something women have been doing for a long time. Being a mistress is nothing new, but is it worth it? So many women get involved with a married man because he makes promises of leaving his wife and getting into a committed relationship with them, and they usually end up waiting forever for him or end up just being his mistress- nothing more. The first thing you need to do before getting officially involved with a married man is to ask yourself some serious questions. The following questions will help you decide whether or not being a mistress is worth it.
Why a Married Man? It is important that you ask yourself why you would want to get involved with a married man in the first place? There are plenty of single men out there for you to get to know. If you did not know he was married at first, then perhaps you should ask yourself if you would want to get involved with a man who lied to you about his marital status.
Prepared to be Second Priority? One thing you should always keep in mind is that his wife and family will always come before you, no matter how many problems he claims to have at home. Keeping you as his secret mistress is an obvious sign that he is not ready to lose his spouse. If he was, then he would just leave her and be with you, but instead- he has chosen to spare her the pain and embarrassment because he loves her- and will continue to keep you a secret for as long as you let him. Are you ready to be second priority?
Self-Esteem Check. Being a mistress will play a big role on your self-esteem, making you slowly start to feel bad about yourself. You will feel alone and not important, because all you are is a secret mistress- no matter how much he tells you he loves you- you will still not be getting that official healthy committed relationship that you will eventually need and want for yourself. So do not neglect yourself and be sure to do a self-esteem check.
Are you ready to wait a long time? Getting involved with a married man is complicated and the relationship will be filled with repeated promises that will work at first, but will later leave you feeling helpless and restless. He will never just drop his wife and family for you, so ask yourself if you are ready to wait a long time for him to finally finalize his divorce- if he gets one. It is common for men to decide that they want to make their marriage work after all, so are you ready to not just wait a long time, but perhaps even end up not being with him in the end?
These are all essential question that you must answer honestly. Sure, having an affair can be fun, but when that stage of excitement slowly wears off and you enter another stage where you crave that closeness of an official one on one committed relationship, then you will start feeling the stress and pain of being a mistress. There are of course chances that he will end up leaving his wife for you- but is it worth waiting around to find out if that will happen? There are no guarantees.
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Post by Msmoore on Feb 3, 2004 14:54:47 GMT -5
Unfortunately I have a friend who has been involved with a married man and has been for two years! it is so sad because all her convo is about him!! One day I said to her that she needs to reevaluate what is important to her, starting with herself? She makes more excuses than a little bit  it makes me soooo angry to the point I tell her I really do not care to hear about him or that conversation because it has no substance!! I struck a cord with her when she started talking badly about his WIFE!!! Same response as most women who deal with married men "his wife must not being doing somthing right if he's w/me" Soooooooooo wrong, I told her the only people doing the wrong things are the two of you, she will remain his wife but you will remain the bottom BITCH!!! when it's all said and done she will still be his wife and you will remain the MISTRESS |
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Post by The_Realist on Feb 3, 2004 15:05:09 GMT -5
..i was with a man for 7mo... he's probably the person who knew me better than anyone.. maybe because we were almost exactly alike.. but anyways.. we spent every weekend together.. he'd stay the night sometimes and everything... everyday we'd be up on the phone late night.. he'd bring me breakfast before work almost 4 days a week... and see, i look for signs and etc to see if they have a female aside from me.. but, there were no signs.. when we'd go out, his cell phone stayed by his side and turned on.. never once did i hear a woman calling up.. when we were on the phone late night, it was like he lived alone...wouldn't talk all low or anything.. and through the 7mo, we never had sex... well, 7mo goes by and i hear the "umm, i got something to tell you"... come to find out, he was married with two kids... and my only question that i asked myself was "how the hell did he manage to pull it off?" ... i never knew and never would've thought, and i'm the type of lady to keep my eyes peeled for things like this... but, i had to let him go. i'm a true believer in "what goes around, comes around".. and you go messing with another woman's man or vise versa, it will come right back around to you.. plus, i treat people how i want to be treated.. i wouldn't want anyone being with my husband, so i can't play that card.
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Divine Justice
Almost fam *Step brother/sister*
I'm a POOH @ heart...
Posts: 246
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Post by Divine Justice on Apr 16, 2004 17:49:52 GMT -5
What if I was in love with him before he was married?? Here's my little story he had a girl from day 1. it was supposed 2 be all about the dl but feelings got involved on both ends, he got locked up, we lost contact, and he married her. That was 2 years ago and this past march he came home and it was like he was never gone. So someone tell me will it be worth it?? I'm not sure...oh yeah I;m in a relationship so many things at risk hear I could end up alone.
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Post by Simply_Uneque on Apr 22, 2004 10:09:11 GMT -5
What if I was in love with him before he was married?? Here's my little story he had a girl from day 1. it was supposed 2 be all about the dl but feelings got involved on both ends, he got locked up, we lost contact, and he married her. That was 2 years ago and this past march he came home and it was like he was never gone. So someone tell me will it be worth it?? I'm not sure...oh yeah I;m in a relationship so many things at risk hear I could end up alone. Please don't think that I am judging... because I am not that type of person!!! I just want to know do you love the one that you are with? Are you willin to give up on a sure thing for a possibility? Yah he was with her first and now he is married to the is woman.... is it worth interferring with his marriage? Will it be worth it to him if she ginds out that you all have done this and she leaves him for good? If this happens, are you sure that he won't do the same thing to you? Just a few questions that I wish someone had asked me!!!!  |
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Post by Style4ya on Apr 22, 2004 17:43:13 GMT -5
Hell no it aint worth it. They never leave the one they are with. And if he does, why would you want him anyway? You put everything into the so called relationship and the only thing you get out of it is hurt feelings and rejection.
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Post by Auset on Apr 22, 2004 20:54:43 GMT -5
Cuz do not do it. You have a beautiful think right now, you do not need to tear that down for the sake of love or lust.
You have already given the reason, things were supposed to be dl but emotions got involved. Don't let the emotions that may be clouding your mind when it comes to him ruin what you have now.
Think of it this way, what if you leave K and date this guy and he decides that he really does love his wife and want's to be with his child. where does that leave you?
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Post by Simply_Uneque on Apr 23, 2004 11:50:33 GMT -5
Cuz do not do it. You have a beautiful think right now, you do not need to tear that down for the sake of love or lust. You have already given the reason, things were supposed to be dl but emotions got involved. Don't let the emotions that may be clouding your mind when it comes to him ruin what you have now. Think of it this way, what if you leave K and date this guy and he decides that he really does love his wife and want's to be with his child. where does that leave you? Out in the cold is where she is left!!! I usually don't share this... but from a woman that has been in that situation.... PLEASE DON'T DO IT!!!!!!! |
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Post by Justin on Oct 31, 2004 14:53:41 GMT -5
On this subject and being the product of a broken family due to my father having a mistress, it's not worth it.
It's never worth it if the one you want to be with is married. At least if the one who is married doesn't respect their vows, you should.
I don't know why people get involved with married folks (and I'm talkin' about the ones who know that they were married before they started messing around). I wonder where peoples morals are now-a-days.
A mistress broke up my family. The woman didn't know my Mom, but would call the house and harrass her goin' off info that my Dad gave her about the things he didn't like that my Mom did. It was ridiculous. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Those were the hardest years for my mother, brother and myself. And it changed all of our lives drastically.
I feel worse for my Mom because my Dad is the only man she's ever been with and figured her life was complete. There were no signs that my Dad was unhappy. My Mom just happened to bust my Dad in her favorite soul food joint with the other (and might I add, younger woman).
I think if you find yourself in a situation like that, it's best to get out. Peoples marriage should be not only respected by the ones married but by outsiders as well.
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Post by deepthought74 on Nov 3, 2004 19:18:05 GMT -5
Well said J!!
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Post by Justin on Nov 4, 2004 15:58:18 GMT -5
Thanks!  |
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Post by jamadianUK on Nov 5, 2004 12:57:10 GMT -5
Known this guy for 10yrs,has a girl and everything. But she has a second friend on the side,and he knows about it. What do we call the 'friend'? Cause all I know is player,baller and kept man none of the words to describe the 'mistress' in question. Is it really an issue if the women is cheating?
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Divine Justice
Almost fam *Step brother/sister*
I'm a POOH @ heart...
Posts: 246
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Post by Divine Justice on Nov 5, 2004 20:25:29 GMT -5
I'm sooooooo glad I listened to all of you guys. 'Cuz even though him and the wife are divorced he still ain't changed. Here I was considering leaving a stable relationship with a man who adores me to death for this a@% and he turned around and did some dumb mess. mind you he's going to be 30 years old and still can't get it together. Well my motto has always been " I don't do convicts I do Benefits". Why do people second guess themselves???
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Post by Justin on Nov 6, 2004 12:32:23 GMT -5
Known this guy for 10yrs,has a girl and everything. But she has a second friend on the side,and he knows about it. What do we call the 'friend'? Cause all I know is player,baller and kept man none of the words to describe the 'mistress' in question. Is it really an issue if the women is cheating? It's an issue if either party is cheating, it doesn't matter. Now what's not fair is that if a guy is cheating it's more acceptable in the world today. It's almost as if some people believe it's just in a males nature. Well, to those who believe that it's only because they've just never truly met a man. Because a man (notice I'm not sayin' 'a real man' or 'a true man') just a man doesn't do that no matter how fine a woman is, good she is in bed or anything else. And that goes the same for a woman. It's not fair that when guys cheat they're considered players and when females cheat they're b's and hoes and every name in the book. That is not fair. But to get back to the question, it doesn't matter whether it's the male or female.  |
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Post by Justin on Nov 6, 2004 12:37:07 GMT -5
I'm sooooooo glad I listened to all of you guys. 'Cuz even though him and the wife are divorced he still ain't changed. Here I was considering leaving a stable relationship with a man who adores me to death for this a@% and he turned around and did some dumb mess. mind you he's going to be 30 years old and still can't get it together. Well my motto has always been " I don't do convicts I do Benefits". Why do people second guess themselves??? I'm glad you did too Bubowlz. You just have to know that if you're in a committed relationship do just that...committ yourself. You can fight the temptation--believe me, it's possible. lol Second guessing can be a number of things but the number one reason is usually insecurity and the follow-up to that is fear and third...doubt. |
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it makes me soooo angry to the point I tell her I really do not care to hear about him or that conversation because it has no substance!!
