Why... Oh Why?????

[Simply_Uneque]

Please tell me why when most men go through something they shut completely down??

My man was laid off a year and a half ago. Daily... he is on the computer, in the newspaper and sometimes goes to different places just handing out resumes and still has yet to find a job. I understand his frustration, I really do. But why must they shut down? At times, things are so bad that I feel uncomfortale being around him. You know... that uncomfortale silence when you don't know if you should say something or not?

As a result, I just go into my shut-down mode and then no one is talking. The last few days have really been bad. He drives me to work and we are in complete silence. He picks me up from work and we are in complete silence. We get home and he plays his infamous Play Station in complete silence. And I just go about my evening getting the kids situated and try to stay out of his way. At the end of the night, I go to bed and stay on my side for fear he may snap if I try to cuddle.

I want to support my man. And I do every thing that I possible can to make things easier for him (financially). But the constant silence is killing me. I feel if I say something it may make things worse because now I am angry for being shut out when I am the one that is on his side and in his corner.

HELP!!!!!

[Tori]

Girl, I feel you! You just don't know and if someone can help you then they need to get at me too! My fiance got locked up on accessory to murder charges, and his brother is locked up for 1st degree. My fiance is out on house arrest, and talk about tension! The cops are following him around and bugging his phone, and he acts like I don't understand but they are doing the same to me! Then he can't handle having to be in the house at a certain time, but I come in too so he won't feel so down. No appreciation...I know they didn't do this, and I have his back 100% but he makes me feel like an outsider! It's a crazy situation and I have no idea how to make it any better...

[Auset]

I think one of the wisest things ever said went something like give me the knowledge to knwo the things that i can change and accept the things I can not. I think that both of you are doing a great job at supporting your man. Although he may not say anything now he does apprecieate it. Men are sometimes the most selfish thing and want all the attention. And if you are strong enough, go on ahead and give it to him.
Stay by his side despite his attitudes and mood swings. When you are home with him on house arrest or he is playing the play station do a little extra. Take out the good old feet massaging pedicure and treat your man to a foot massage and pedicure. Massage his feet with some man lotion (you know the kind that wont make him feel fem) and the most important thing is spending time with him positively.
I don't care if he gets a crazy attitude you just keep on loving him and doing what you can. Cook a special dinner, watch a movie, just enjoy the time that you guys have to spend together.
The best form of support is just being there and trust me when things get brighter they will say thank you.

[Simply_Uneque]

That is some good advice Auset. I am going to try to continue doing what I am doing and maybe he will come around. Maybe he will even feel bad that he has treated me so bad when all I do is support him... maybe not. But at least I can hold my head up high knowing that I have done my part and will continue to do so. I try no to smother him and give him his space. But a little extra support on my part, from time to time, may not hurt the situation at all.

[Auset]

I feel you girl, you want to be able to support him and all but at the same time he doesn't ahve to come off on you like you aren't trying to make him feel comofortable. So the ugly truth is, that just how men do sometimes. So I say girl, follow my advise and keep your head up. Run yourself a nice bubble bath and put a Jill Scott cd in. Girl my book is for you! I've been right where you are and all that I can say is keep on doing and channel the energy from negative to positive so that you remain strong. if you feel poetic drop your lines in poetic minds board. You'll feel the negative roll off you like water.