WHY?

[Msmoore]

Ok I just want to know why is that brothas say a good sista is hard to find, then when they find one some of them have not a clue what it is they want?

I just feel like you should say what you mean and mean what you say.

[Fela]

I think society shoves all this B/S at us about
" what a good man / woman " is and what WE should " want "
But the simple truth is we are complicated people it's not about gender
men and women get fed all sorts of stereo types , it's about defining what we want , need , desire for ourselves this may evolve as we do .
Things change and sometimes that can be painful but being honest with ourselves and our partners is the definition of a " real man / woman "
There is a Buddhist saying that I love about* if you can't help someone at least don't hurt them...* wouldn't life be easier if more people lived that ?

[Auset]

yeah fela it would be lovely if people lived by that qoute but the reality is some people find more comfort in making people feel bad because they dont value themselves.
As far as what people want, chile I don't have the faintest idea what to tell you because from my experience it seems like that's just the way it's going to always be!

[Fela]

Misery loves company right ?
Before I met my Beloved
I was so sick of being miserable w/ co.
I was th-is close to joining the Tibetan nuns...
Damn ~ That was close !
Seriously , I got what I needed when I demanded it ..
not by being a bitch
but by walking /talking the example ~
I want to be treated this way ~ I will treat you the same ~
respect is not negotiable for me..that was a huge step for me.

[Msmoore]

Well it's not negotiable for me either, when I ask a question and you cannot give me a DIRECT answer then I will make it for you.
Life is waaaay to short to be bothered with aggrivation so until someone pleasant comes along I am fine with ME, MYSELF and I . I do not think you should ever compromise who you are just to say I have someone, only to find yourself still by yourself!!!

[Justin]

I think that each brothas definition of a "good sista" is different. What you have to find out first is what is their difinition of a "good sista" then take it from there.

[Auset]

You know what I think, we need to stop trying to change ourselves to be their ideal mate. If they cant love us for the way we come naturally then they need to leave us alone, plain and simple. Because the time we waste with the one whom don't get it we could be missing out on the one who does.

[Justin]

That is true, but it goes both ways. A lot of us guys try to change to be what we think you want and do the things that you like to do even though we don't. But at some point doesn't there need to be some giving in on both ends? If not, it would take a lot of us a long time to hook up because we're too set in our ways like old people and not apt to change.

[Auset]

And that should stop as well because then this is what we get, the first three months we think we have our ideal mates and then after we have let down our guard the real them comes in and it's a beast of a man or woman for that matter and it's like who are you? I never agreed to loving you who the hell are you?

[Justin]

Yep, exactly. When will we stop playing these 'games'? Cause that's exactly what they are, I doubt we ever will cause we as a people want to be liked. There are only a few of us who remain the same no matter what.

[Auset]

I know that's right and we really need to do something different, break out of society's blind box. Only then will we be able to love people for who they really are and be loved the same

[Justin]

And I truly believe that if we were able to to just that, a majority of marriages would be lasting til death.

[Msmoore]

Ditto Ditto and more Ditto, I agree whole heartedly!

[jamadianUK]

I have 6 bros' and a lot of male good friends. All are getting ready or have already jumped the broom. When I ask them what made them know this was the right person for them, they always reply " I saw myself in the female form".

A classic comment I try to live by is 'would you date yourself'? Many people are saying "there's none... because they only attract the rubbish anyway (been in that postion myself). We need to make sure we are a good offering before we can state that the choice is so limited. Get ourselves in order before we try to make an order.

[Justin]

That's true. I never thought of it like that but that's true. I wonder what that's like to see your self in the opposite sex? Hmm.