Post by Simply_Uneque on Mar 15, 2004 11:32:11 GMT -5
So here's the situation: after dozens of email exchanges, two or three dates, and a tentative, exploratory kiss, it's finally dawned on you that the guy you've been casually seeing is not, in fact, "The One." The trouble is, he's imprinted on you like a baby duck, and needs to be let down with a little finesse lest he stuff himself down the garbage chute. Rather than the usual breakup expedient — pretending you've died or moved to another continent — why not try one of these more creative options?
"You're way too smart/popular/handsome for me." - When it comes to breakups, flattery will get you everywhere — or, at least, safely out the door while your date grins insipidly and pictures himself as James Bond. Even better, he can repeat this explanation afterward to his friends, who if they're anywhere near as diplomatic as you are will nod their heads sympathetically and murmur "of course, of course."
"I think you'd be perfect for my friend Jenny!" - Going directly to point B, while leaving point A unspoken, will leave your newly minted ex feeling simultaneously puzzled, surprised, and (most important) vaguely hopeful that your friend Jenny looks like Jennifer Aniston. The only problem is, you have to be prepared to lose Jenny as a friend, since who the heck wants to date a guy you've already kicked to the curb?
"My therapist says I need to deal with my anxiety issues." - By deflecting the blame onto your shrink (whether you have one or not), your rifle-toting ex-Navy Seal dad (ditto), or even that creepy third-grade teacher who told you kissing spreads germs, you've given your guy a tenable fallback position: She still likes me, it's these other people who are getting in the way!
"Julian and I — it's a complicated situation." - This is similar to the strategy above, but a bit more involved. No one likes to be thrown over for the ex-boyfriend, but if you can make a convincing case that you and Julian grew up next door to each other, lived together all through college, and married and divorced not once, but twice, the guy you're dating will be so intimidated that he'll willingly let you go your own way.
"I just don't think we have the right chemistry." - Telling the truth is admirable, but tricky. There's a fine line between disarmingly frank and devastatingly blunt. The foregoing, for example, is vastly preferable to blurting out something like, "You're kidding, right? I'm a six-foot-tall beach volleyball player and you're a five-foot-two claims adjuster. What are you going to do, stand on a milk crate for the rest of your life?"
"I'm sorry, but the life of a rogue CIA operative leaves very little room for romance." On the other hand, lying through your teeth — and making sure the guy knows it — can be equally effective; he'll be so flummoxed by your utter shamelessness that he won't even notice he's just been dumped. If you deliver this whopper over the phone, extra points for simulating the sound of a helicopter with a broomstick handle and an empty box of Kleenex.
"You're way too smart/popular/handsome for me." - When it comes to breakups, flattery will get you everywhere — or, at least, safely out the door while your date grins insipidly and pictures himself as James Bond. Even better, he can repeat this explanation afterward to his friends, who if they're anywhere near as diplomatic as you are will nod their heads sympathetically and murmur "of course, of course."
"I think you'd be perfect for my friend Jenny!" - Going directly to point B, while leaving point A unspoken, will leave your newly minted ex feeling simultaneously puzzled, surprised, and (most important) vaguely hopeful that your friend Jenny looks like Jennifer Aniston. The only problem is, you have to be prepared to lose Jenny as a friend, since who the heck wants to date a guy you've already kicked to the curb?
"My therapist says I need to deal with my anxiety issues." - By deflecting the blame onto your shrink (whether you have one or not), your rifle-toting ex-Navy Seal dad (ditto), or even that creepy third-grade teacher who told you kissing spreads germs, you've given your guy a tenable fallback position: She still likes me, it's these other people who are getting in the way!
"Julian and I — it's a complicated situation." - This is similar to the strategy above, but a bit more involved. No one likes to be thrown over for the ex-boyfriend, but if you can make a convincing case that you and Julian grew up next door to each other, lived together all through college, and married and divorced not once, but twice, the guy you're dating will be so intimidated that he'll willingly let you go your own way.
"I just don't think we have the right chemistry." - Telling the truth is admirable, but tricky. There's a fine line between disarmingly frank and devastatingly blunt. The foregoing, for example, is vastly preferable to blurting out something like, "You're kidding, right? I'm a six-foot-tall beach volleyball player and you're a five-foot-two claims adjuster. What are you going to do, stand on a milk crate for the rest of your life?"
"I'm sorry, but the life of a rogue CIA operative leaves very little room for romance." On the other hand, lying through your teeth — and making sure the guy knows it — can be equally effective; he'll be so flummoxed by your utter shamelessness that he won't even notice he's just been dumped. If you deliver this whopper over the phone, extra points for simulating the sound of a helicopter with a broomstick handle and an empty box of Kleenex.
